New Moon? More like Old Balls

24 11 2009

After watching the first two movies in the Twilight saga (movies that I enjoyed despite Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson’s acting abilities), I’ve come to a stirring conclusion. If someone asked my for a one sentence summary, this is what I would say:

Twilight: In which a vampire falls head-over-heels in love with a girl named Bella Swan, and vice-versa.

Riveting, I know. But you know what, that’s not quite right. Read the rest of this entry »


Pitchfucked: Twilight’s New Moon and why Indie kids have souls

29 10 2009

Oh, Pitchfork. Your albums reviews are shining rainclouds in a world filled with rainbows and sunshine. You hate everything music has to offer, which seems strange considering you are a music publication, but that is just one of the many ways you Pitchfork people prove your superior wits to us lowly mouth-breathers. So let’s read one of your reviews together, so we can all be as educated on what should be considered good and what should be thrown into the Hudson Bay. Read the rest of this entry »